some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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