Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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