We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
