theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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