you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
