i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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