it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
