it was like his penis was on wheels.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
