she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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