Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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