i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
