I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
