Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
