I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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