so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
