The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
