hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
