we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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