if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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