Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
