clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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