ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i out mim tonsoeep
Dear god my vagina.
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