It's Friday. Sex?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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