I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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