she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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