Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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