you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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