I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
