I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
