the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
