Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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