Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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