Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
