dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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