did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
