there's paper in my vomit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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