Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
