Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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