There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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