Got a toothbrush?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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