it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
