i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
