He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
