i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
