First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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