oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
