Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
