She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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