I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
