I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
