When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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