glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize