Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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