the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
