Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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