I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize