i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
