I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
