You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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