you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
