Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
