I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
