the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
