So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
