I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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