im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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