It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it because I queefed?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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