I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
