I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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